I love my students
Kelsey, I really appreciated how you opened up and shared personally. I struggle with that exact same problem; it was like I was hearing myself speak!
I think we can realize from this class that we ALL have our own ways of expressing our emotions, and whether we realize it or not, they are all the same in essence.
Going to make Kelsey my focus here. Tehehe. I feel like I've created this image of her that is like...Ironman. But a girl. I think it is very apparent that she is in control of herself and not trying to use bad language, but has her shit together. To see someone who I have looked at as so put together, break down and show how they really are feeling is nothing but inspiration to me and a reality check. I think this shows that you never know what people are feeling regardless of how strong their outer shell may be. Also, it inspires me to feel more open with people - express how I am feeling. For being such an open person, it really takes a lot and makes me feel like less of a person when I break down in front of people. I try so hard to keep the image of me always being happy and excited - and sometimes, that is hard to maintain. Kelsey taught me today that it is OKAY to show how you are feeling and most of the time, you will feel even better after!
I see Kelsey as a do it all girl and I was so happy to see another side of her. She does so many amazing things and always looks so put together and I would always wonder how in the world she does it because in all honesty I envy that so much. I feel as though we all got to learn even more about Kelsey and I'm so happy she opened up. (sorry kelsey to be excessively talking about you) Each discussion had brought us all together and I have learned so much more about my classmates than I could have ever imagined.
I love you all. Literally. Thank you for being amazing
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
love gives me hope
In 1950, two teenagers met on a beach and quickly fell in love.
The boy was in the Marines and lived in Cherry Point, NC. The girl lived in Greenville, NC. The boy hitchiked an hour and a half each way every single day for two years to see his girlfriend.
Those two teenagers are now my grandparents, and they have been married for 59 years. Their love gives me hope.
That is just one example from a website called Love Gives Me Hope. I have been reading it for the past hour and I highly recommend it for inspirational stories of love and compassion.
I have never been in love. I love my family and close friends, but not the kind of sweep-you-off-your-feet love that this experience encompasses. A beautiful, rare emotion - raw; nothing like it. Someone once told me that I come off as an intimidating individual, set in her ways and independent in every way, which might scare some people. I always keep that in the back of my mind when I meet new people, thinking that might keep them from loving me. I think that makes me part of who I am.
I am driven, independent, involved, busy - but I lack something I wish I possessed. The love of an individual who will be there to support through everything I conquer and take on, no matter how busy I get. I need a rock. I admitted the other day that I actually have a pretty low self-esteem, which makes being as strong as I come off difficult sometimes. I act like I have it all together, but that is very false. On the outside, sure, I may look put together and ready to conquer the world with my impressive resume and busy schedule, but that is a facade.
Inside I am searching for answers, questioning myself and my actions - I constantly need reassurance. It is my biggest weakness, and I am ashamed of it.
I know what I am looking for in my life. I have an idea of what I am trying to achieve; but, I wish I had someone to share those dreams with me in a different way than the friends and family I already share them with. Something more, something different.
This post is extremely cheesy and I apologize; it is raw emotion and I am not going back and editing it, I am just speaking as it comes to me, right now, at 11:57 on April 28, 2010.
Questions unanswered, wondering, how? Why? Continuing to do so - I question everything. Second guess every movement. Will I ever know?
love gives me hope.
The boy was in the Marines and lived in Cherry Point, NC. The girl lived in Greenville, NC. The boy hitchiked an hour and a half each way every single day for two years to see his girlfriend.
Those two teenagers are now my grandparents, and they have been married for 59 years. Their love gives me hope.
That is just one example from a website called Love Gives Me Hope. I have been reading it for the past hour and I highly recommend it for inspirational stories of love and compassion.
I have never been in love. I love my family and close friends, but not the kind of sweep-you-off-your-feet love that this experience encompasses. A beautiful, rare emotion - raw; nothing like it. Someone once told me that I come off as an intimidating individual, set in her ways and independent in every way, which might scare some people. I always keep that in the back of my mind when I meet new people, thinking that might keep them from loving me. I think that makes me part of who I am.
I am driven, independent, involved, busy - but I lack something I wish I possessed. The love of an individual who will be there to support through everything I conquer and take on, no matter how busy I get. I need a rock. I admitted the other day that I actually have a pretty low self-esteem, which makes being as strong as I come off difficult sometimes. I act like I have it all together, but that is very false. On the outside, sure, I may look put together and ready to conquer the world with my impressive resume and busy schedule, but that is a facade.
Inside I am searching for answers, questioning myself and my actions - I constantly need reassurance. It is my biggest weakness, and I am ashamed of it.
I know what I am looking for in my life. I have an idea of what I am trying to achieve; but, I wish I had someone to share those dreams with me in a different way than the friends and family I already share them with. Something more, something different.
This post is extremely cheesy and I apologize; it is raw emotion and I am not going back and editing it, I am just speaking as it comes to me, right now, at 11:57 on April 28, 2010.
Questions unanswered, wondering, how? Why? Continuing to do so - I question everything. Second guess every movement. Will I ever know?
love gives me hope.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
a wake up call
As unfortunate as it is, I sometimes forget the beauty of this world and all of it's people until I am reminded by a certain few individuals, as I was today. The freshman I work with this semester are absolutely amazing and they don't know how much of an impact they have on me. I am honored to sit in on the conversations they lead and see how everyone responds to topics that bring about deep conversation - and today was no different. I was able to sit in with an amazing group of girls who do not even know how intelligent and special they are, and if any of them are reading this, I send my love to you all (rep it wheat PB).
Opening up for deep conversation is something that I love, and listening to others do the same is something I love even more. Hearing other people's perspective on issues that play such an impact in our world is so insightful and beautiful to hear, and I sort of forgot that until I was reminded of it today. I have been wrapped up in my own little world for the past week or so with the amount of work I have had to do, but in the scheme of things, it is all so trivial.
Take the time to appreciate the beauty of the world and the intelligence that encompasses our earth - it is everywhere you look, you just have to look closely for it. Listen to people, don't just anticipate what you will say next. You learn more by listening than you ever could by opening your own mouth.
I sort of had an emotional breakdown today, which sort of manifested and exploded while in class with these amazing girls. At least it was with them, so I felt okay about it. I have had so much built up tension and stress that I haven't had any way of dealing with it. Talking to my same friends day in and out helps, but sometimes they just aren't what I need in certain situations. I don't know why I decided to become emotional, and honestly I don't think that anything I said even made sense, but I just needed to ramble and cry and throw it all out there, and I felt SO much better after I was able to do so. So thank you to those girls that sat there and listened to me during an emotional roller coaster of about two minutes that ensued this afternoon, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.
So just remember that if you are stressed, take some time to talk it out with someone - it really does help.
Opening up for deep conversation is something that I love, and listening to others do the same is something I love even more. Hearing other people's perspective on issues that play such an impact in our world is so insightful and beautiful to hear, and I sort of forgot that until I was reminded of it today. I have been wrapped up in my own little world for the past week or so with the amount of work I have had to do, but in the scheme of things, it is all so trivial.
Take the time to appreciate the beauty of the world and the intelligence that encompasses our earth - it is everywhere you look, you just have to look closely for it. Listen to people, don't just anticipate what you will say next. You learn more by listening than you ever could by opening your own mouth.
I sort of had an emotional breakdown today, which sort of manifested and exploded while in class with these amazing girls. At least it was with them, so I felt okay about it. I have had so much built up tension and stress that I haven't had any way of dealing with it. Talking to my same friends day in and out helps, but sometimes they just aren't what I need in certain situations. I don't know why I decided to become emotional, and honestly I don't think that anything I said even made sense, but I just needed to ramble and cry and throw it all out there, and I felt SO much better after I was able to do so. So thank you to those girls that sat there and listened to me during an emotional roller coaster of about two minutes that ensued this afternoon, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.
So just remember that if you are stressed, take some time to talk it out with someone - it really does help.
stress ensues
The next three weeks can be summed up in one word: insanity.
No sleep, school work overload, getting to the Empo at 6 am to get a computer, staying at the Empo until midnight. Yeah, insanity.
I would have time to actually write a post and elaborate about what is going on in my life as of right now, but you know what? I don't have time.
I have to leave for a meeting in 20 minutes and I just got out of the shower and my hair is still dripping wet - I am on top of it today aren't I?
Life is hectic, life is good, school is running out, summer is encroaching.
Some good things are coming to an end, but other good things are just about to begin.
My theme song of the week is: any Jack Johnson songs. They make for awesome study music.
Or fratmusic.com - I highly suggest it.
For now,
a sleep deprived sophomore
No sleep, school work overload, getting to the Empo at 6 am to get a computer, staying at the Empo until midnight. Yeah, insanity.
I would have time to actually write a post and elaborate about what is going on in my life as of right now, but you know what? I don't have time.
I have to leave for a meeting in 20 minutes and I just got out of the shower and my hair is still dripping wet - I am on top of it today aren't I?
Life is hectic, life is good, school is running out, summer is encroaching.
Some good things are coming to an end, but other good things are just about to begin.
My theme song of the week is: any Jack Johnson songs. They make for awesome study music.
Or fratmusic.com - I highly suggest it.
For now,
a sleep deprived sophomore
Thursday, April 22, 2010
the reality of growing up
What does the future hold for us? That is a very good question. As I was thinking about this, I remembered a beautiful video I stumbled upon that was an inside into someone's wedding and all of the beauty and love that is possessed.
When will we find that person who matters most to us? A question that all of us wished we knew the answer to. I cannot wait for my friends to find that love that they deserve. I cannot wait to celebrate with them. I cannot wait to make them memory boxes filled with quotes and stories from college - giving them a piece of me to take with them on the journey.
I cannot wait to see what the future holds in that department.
When will we find that person who matters most to us? A question that all of us wished we knew the answer to. I cannot wait for my friends to find that love that they deserve. I cannot wait to celebrate with them. I cannot wait to make them memory boxes filled with quotes and stories from college - giving them a piece of me to take with them on the journey.
I cannot wait to see what the future holds in that department.
poetry, finally
Take it as you will.
Cement Blocks
Cement blocks line – ants upon each other
Situated between
Heaven and Hell
Eyes glaze over like candy canes
Does it matter?
How can you decide?
Me, her, us – you
The antagonist draws against us
Existence questioned –
Life and death
Spirit, self, streams, shine
Seductive, never ceasing
Wonder soul, wonder
Trapped among cement blocks
Line up ideas in your mind
1, 2, 3, 4 – choose
Understanding
It is as difficult as deciphering
Why robins sing their songs
Why white clouds paint the sky like falling pennies in the drop of an open hat
Do I even need to try?
in the end I think I know – you
I anticipate before it happens, I imagine before words are spoken, I digress when necessary
I understand.
I understand that I don’t –
see the world through your eyes, ears, hands, toes, skin
I wish to see dreams, beliefs, passions
I ask, you tell, it is an easy cycle
but is it?
So many questions left unanswered
So many movements –
given a second glance.
I understand.
but I don’t.
I know you – you know me
Is that too much?
I am scared.
Scared that no one will take your place – they must
They must break down my doors
as you have managed to.
They must open my heart –
as I have shown to you.
Vulnerable.
I need that – for me
Realize I need more.
Passion, love – necessary
The realization is looming
I must break the cycle
Why is it so easy?
But with others, not
Why is it so difficult?
I want to scream.
I want to tell you – I cannot
The words in my head do not match –
they dream, only dream.
I daydream, I second guess, I wonder,
it is not enough.
It will not silence – me
I must obey, regress.
Continuation – cease.
Denial.
Forgotten emotions – relive again.
Cement Blocks
Cement blocks line – ants upon each other
Situated between
Heaven and Hell
Eyes glaze over like candy canes
Does it matter?
How can you decide?
Me, her, us – you
The antagonist draws against us
Existence questioned –
Life and death
Spirit, self, streams, shine
Seductive, never ceasing
Wonder soul, wonder
Trapped among cement blocks
Line up ideas in your mind
1, 2, 3, 4 – choose
Understanding
It is as difficult as deciphering
Why robins sing their songs
Why white clouds paint the sky like falling pennies in the drop of an open hat
Do I even need to try?
in the end I think I know – you
I anticipate before it happens, I imagine before words are spoken, I digress when necessary
I understand.
I understand that I don’t –
see the world through your eyes, ears, hands, toes, skin
I wish to see dreams, beliefs, passions
I ask, you tell, it is an easy cycle
but is it?
So many questions left unanswered
So many movements –
given a second glance.
I understand.
but I don’t.
I know you – you know me
Is that too much?
I am scared.
Scared that no one will take your place – they must
They must break down my doors
as you have managed to.
They must open my heart –
as I have shown to you.
Vulnerable.
I need that – for me
Realize I need more.
Passion, love – necessary
The realization is looming
I must break the cycle
Why is it so easy?
But with others, not
Why is it so difficult?
I want to scream.
I want to tell you – I cannot
The words in my head do not match –
they dream, only dream.
I daydream, I second guess, I wonder,
it is not enough.
It will not silence – me
I must obey, regress.
Continuation – cease.
Denial.
Forgotten emotions – relive again.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I was beat, incomplete
"Like a virgin, when your heart beats next to mine. Gonna give you all my love boy, my fear is fading fast. You're so fine and you're mine - make me strong, make me bold." Oh, Madonna. After watching gLee last night, I have done nothing but listen to Madonna songs. They are inspiring, powerful - telling. As ridiculous as it sounds, gLee was my pick up for the week. I haven't really had a break the past few days, so watching gLee was a really nice way to break up my week. Also, a very powerful heart=to-heart with a new confidant helped as well :)
Do you know how it feels to repeat something over, over, over and over again? Frustrating. Not for anyone else, just for yourself. Not that I am frustrated with the act of having to tell the story, that is not it at all, it is the fact that the situation makes me so frustrated - no matter how many times I say it, it does not get any easier.
I have been distracted for the past week - throwing myself directly into my school work, not being around people except for at work or in class. Distancing myself in the library, Squires, emotionally, mentally - why do we do this? I do this because I am scared. Scared of my future, my emotions, my abilities, my dreams. I know that this is not, in any way, the way to deal with an issue like that, but that is what I am doing. I am hiding. Hiding from everything. It shouldn't be like that. I don't know how else to deal - I want to scream, run, sing, write. Anything.
Do you know how it feels to repeat something over, over, over and over again? Frustrating. Not for anyone else, just for yourself. Not that I am frustrated with the act of having to tell the story, that is not it at all, it is the fact that the situation makes me so frustrated - no matter how many times I say it, it does not get any easier.
I have been distracted for the past week - throwing myself directly into my school work, not being around people except for at work or in class. Distancing myself in the library, Squires, emotionally, mentally - why do we do this? I do this because I am scared. Scared of my future, my emotions, my abilities, my dreams. I know that this is not, in any way, the way to deal with an issue like that, but that is what I am doing. I am hiding. Hiding from everything. It shouldn't be like that. I don't know how else to deal - I want to scream, run, sing, write. Anything.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Inspiration
How do I find the inspiration to keep pushing on through the rest of the semester? It comes from several places, and I just need to remember that:
1. Knowing that I am going to have an amazing summer
2. Digging deep within myself to keep going, I don't like to let myself down
3. My parents; knowing that they have given a lot for me to be here
4. Not taking any day or any moment for granted
5. Colbie Caliat is inside my head when she writes songs and I can refer to them whenever I need
6. Grooveshark and Pandora are lifesavers
7. ABP gives me energy to face the library every morning for the rest of the semester - yes, mark my word. I will be here, every morning, 7:30 am.
These next few weeks are going to be intense, so if I look extremely tired/worn out/annoyed, it is nothing personal, trust me. But, I will try my best to go on as my good ol' bubbly self.
1. Knowing that I am going to have an amazing summer
2. Digging deep within myself to keep going, I don't like to let myself down
3. My parents; knowing that they have given a lot for me to be here
4. Not taking any day or any moment for granted
5. Colbie Caliat is inside my head when she writes songs and I can refer to them whenever I need
6. Grooveshark and Pandora are lifesavers
7. ABP gives me energy to face the library every morning for the rest of the semester - yes, mark my word. I will be here, every morning, 7:30 am.
These next few weeks are going to be intense, so if I look extremely tired/worn out/annoyed, it is nothing personal, trust me. But, I will try my best to go on as my good ol' bubbly self.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
kelsey heiter is...
That is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. After, almost successfully, moving on over several things, I have been trying to figure that out. But honestly, I guess I am always trying to figure that out.
I started making a list:
I am...
friend, daughter, Hokie, hopeless romantic, student, driven, achiever, learner, determined, kind, friendly, caring, understanding, sympathetic, empathetic, budding poet, blogger, writer, beautiful, confident, secure, nitpicky, cook, baker, bossy, overbearing, bubbly, in-your-face, quiet, introverted and extroverted, woman, Christian, believer, grand daughter, niece, cousin, able, strong, comfortable, proud, German, blue-eyed, sense of humor, serious, courageous, loyal, sister to many, lovable.
That is sort of how I view myself, and I think that we should all have a list like that, a list that is true and real. Not a list just to bolster our self-esteem, but one that is really representative of who we are. I would like to think that list encompasses a lot of who I am - but maybe I am completely wrong. I guess I will see.
Only a few people have seen all of those sides of me - a few select people. It is hard to let people see all of those aspects of who I really am, and if you have, well, you are one lucky person. If you know me well enough, you know that I have trouble letting people in past the person I am on the outside. I have a tough time sharing all of my inner thoughts, feelings and ideas, but I am trying to put less of a wall up. I can count on my hands the amount of people I have really let push past that wall. It includes about three family members and four friends. I think everyone is probably like that in some way, though. You really have to get to know a person in order to let them know the inner workings of your mind.
I don't regret letting any of those approximately seven people deeper into my life. I am lucky enough to say that. I almost let one person in during high school, but was fortunate enough to see that it was a bad idea and am much better without that person in my life now.
It is difficult to learn who to trust, you all know that, but when you do learn which people will be there for you, I challenge you to let them know you, the real you, the you that you try to keep to just yourself. Let them know as much as you want, it will open up your relationships to new levels that you did not even know were possible. Trust me.
I started making a list:
I am...
friend, daughter, Hokie, hopeless romantic, student, driven, achiever, learner, determined, kind, friendly, caring, understanding, sympathetic, empathetic, budding poet, blogger, writer, beautiful, confident, secure, nitpicky, cook, baker, bossy, overbearing, bubbly, in-your-face, quiet, introverted and extroverted, woman, Christian, believer, grand daughter, niece, cousin, able, strong, comfortable, proud, German, blue-eyed, sense of humor, serious, courageous, loyal, sister to many, lovable.
That is sort of how I view myself, and I think that we should all have a list like that, a list that is true and real. Not a list just to bolster our self-esteem, but one that is really representative of who we are. I would like to think that list encompasses a lot of who I am - but maybe I am completely wrong. I guess I will see.
Only a few people have seen all of those sides of me - a few select people. It is hard to let people see all of those aspects of who I really am, and if you have, well, you are one lucky person. If you know me well enough, you know that I have trouble letting people in past the person I am on the outside. I have a tough time sharing all of my inner thoughts, feelings and ideas, but I am trying to put less of a wall up. I can count on my hands the amount of people I have really let push past that wall. It includes about three family members and four friends. I think everyone is probably like that in some way, though. You really have to get to know a person in order to let them know the inner workings of your mind.
I don't regret letting any of those approximately seven people deeper into my life. I am lucky enough to say that. I almost let one person in during high school, but was fortunate enough to see that it was a bad idea and am much better without that person in my life now.
It is difficult to learn who to trust, you all know that, but when you do learn which people will be there for you, I challenge you to let them know you, the real you, the you that you try to keep to just yourself. Let them know as much as you want, it will open up your relationships to new levels that you did not even know were possible. Trust me.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
no I won't be afraid
"No I won't be afraid, just as long as you stand, stand by me. So darlin', darlin' stand by me, stand by me, oh stand, stand by me. If the sea that we look upon, should tumble and fall or the mountains should crumble in the sea, I won't cry, I won't cry, I won't shed a tear, just as long as you stand, stand by me."
As I have been listening to Ben King's song on repeat for the past five minutes, I can't help think how suited it is to this past weekend.
It has been an exciting, emotional, whirlwind of a weekend. I don't feel like sharing all of the details why - but it has been.
I hope you all found some time to spend together and reflect on your lives, spent time outside, and enjoyed each others' company, because that is what life is all about.
As I have been listening to Ben King's song on repeat for the past five minutes, I can't help think how suited it is to this past weekend.
It has been an exciting, emotional, whirlwind of a weekend. I don't feel like sharing all of the details why - but it has been.
I hope you all found some time to spend together and reflect on your lives, spent time outside, and enjoyed each others' company, because that is what life is all about.
Friday, April 16, 2010
sunlight, april 16
Beautiful sun shines with all the fervor of life. That is what the past few days have been like, beautiful. With constant classes, early and late stays at the library, tests, meetings, stress - the beautiful sunshine made it all okay.
You never know what you have before you lose it - love, loss. I have learned so much about the value of life over the past few days. Scared, unsure, fragile. Be strong, let others know how you feel, share your love, share your passions. I know who my true friends are and that they will never do anything to hurt me; they will always be there for me, and I love them for that. With that said, today is going to be difficult. My best friend is not here, making today feel a little strange. She knows that I love her and that I am beside her in where she is right now, and I know the same - and that is all that matters.
I wrote a poem about today, that day, April 16, 2007.
Remember
I hold a soft wax
it drips down – burns
down to the origin, creator
God
it continues to fall
no regard for my sorrow
waves drip down porcelain courage
remember.
speckled
men and women, orange and maroon
friends pile
families pray
we embrace
Remember.
silence
the way she drank her coffee
struggled to walk in high heels
I miss her – and I have only heard
Stories
help with uncertainty
Remember.
a butterfly knows more
than it will ever let on
teach me your ways
colors allude to knowledge
how to know?
Remember.
teach through spirit, dance
dance for me
see your reaction
positive grief
we are drawn together as one
united by a single flame, passion
see it –
I can
is it too difficult to recall?
Remember.
Just some thoughts - take it as you will.
I think today is a day where everyone needs to be together, just together. I don't think it matters what you are doing, just the fact that we are all together is what matters. Even if we can't be together, find a way to be together in spirit. People are emotional on this day, comfort all that you are able to. Know that some people do not handle this well, so be understanding. Emotions rise, thoughts diminish, love and comfort are needed.
On another note, today is a beautiful day, which makes it all the more appropriate. Take today as you will - however you need. Enjoy the sun, your friends, and our community.
for now,
a hokie
You never know what you have before you lose it - love, loss. I have learned so much about the value of life over the past few days. Scared, unsure, fragile. Be strong, let others know how you feel, share your love, share your passions. I know who my true friends are and that they will never do anything to hurt me; they will always be there for me, and I love them for that. With that said, today is going to be difficult. My best friend is not here, making today feel a little strange. She knows that I love her and that I am beside her in where she is right now, and I know the same - and that is all that matters.
I wrote a poem about today, that day, April 16, 2007.
Remember
I hold a soft wax
it drips down – burns
down to the origin, creator
God
it continues to fall
no regard for my sorrow
waves drip down porcelain courage
remember.
speckled
men and women, orange and maroon
friends pile
families pray
we embrace
Remember.
silence
the way she drank her coffee
struggled to walk in high heels
I miss her – and I have only heard
Stories
help with uncertainty
Remember.
a butterfly knows more
than it will ever let on
teach me your ways
colors allude to knowledge
how to know?
Remember.
teach through spirit, dance
dance for me
see your reaction
positive grief
we are drawn together as one
united by a single flame, passion
see it –
I can
is it too difficult to recall?
Remember.
Just some thoughts - take it as you will.
I think today is a day where everyone needs to be together, just together. I don't think it matters what you are doing, just the fact that we are all together is what matters. Even if we can't be together, find a way to be together in spirit. People are emotional on this day, comfort all that you are able to. Know that some people do not handle this well, so be understanding. Emotions rise, thoughts diminish, love and comfort are needed.
On another note, today is a beautiful day, which makes it all the more appropriate. Take today as you will - however you need. Enjoy the sun, your friends, and our community.
for now,
a hokie
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
poems
I have been writing poetry lately instead of doing school work. This is bad, but it is also good.
I have written three so far, but I am only satisfied with one.
I am too scared to share it yet.
Maybe soon. We'll see.
For now,
an aspiring poet
I have written three so far, but I am only satisfied with one.
I am too scared to share it yet.
Maybe soon. We'll see.
For now,
an aspiring poet
Monday, April 12, 2010
everything
As I lie in my bed this Monday afternoon at 4:40 p.m., I cannot help but think about everything productive I could be doing at this very moment: calling people for interviews, studying for Media Institutions, writing my SQ for American Literature, transcribing quotes - but honestly, I am content in my bed right now, listening to Pandora and writing a blog entry.
I just sat down and wrote the first poem I have written in over two years. It was a good way to vent and just write things down that I felt and didn't know how to say any other way.
I am content right now. I love taking time for myself to do nothing. I think everyone should do that everyday - it is good for the soul.
I just sat down and wrote the first poem I have written in over two years. It was a good way to vent and just write things down that I felt and didn't know how to say any other way.
I am content right now. I love taking time for myself to do nothing. I think everyone should do that everyday - it is good for the soul.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
there is always hope
Relay for Life on Friday was a night full of emotions. As the stresses of the week continued to loom over me, even though a good amount of them were over, other things weighed heavily on my mind - the remembrance of a neighbor losing his life too quickly from cancer's sharp poison, a grandmother and aunt fighting to save their lives because of breast cancer that had metastasized. Watching the members of my team join together to remember and celebrate was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever witnessed or been a part of.
As the luminaria lap began, we joined hands, linked arms and walked in a small, quiet pack around the beautifully lit drillfield, the center of our campus, and at that moment, the center of our hearts. We understood what that lap meant for ourselves and for others, and we respected the moment with complete silence. As tears began to fall and heads began to bow, I could not help but to remember the toll that cancer truly takes in our lives. When our loved ones heard those three piercing words "You have cancer," I know their world stopped for one split second as all of the questions and realizations began to pour in around them.
I hope to never hear those three words. I hope that my parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, future husband and children never have to hear those three words. I want to see a cure in my lifetime. I do not want my children to worry about potentially hearing those three words "You have cancer." I want to fight this disease - and I want to win.
You can never understand the effects of cancer unless it affects you personally. What I would give to take back all of the months of hardships that my family members went through - I would place it all on myself in a split second if we could go back in time. Watching someone battle cancer is one of the scariest and saddest sights I have ever witnessed. Helpless, brittle, sorrow - you can see it when you look into their eyes. Their eyes speak one thousand words that they cannot say.
As my team finished our luminaria lap together, we stopped on the side of the track - took a minute to ourselves and then our emotions set in. All of the memories came traveling back to us. Seeing our friends express their sorrow made my own sorrow that much more painful. As we all embraced with loving arms, tears streaming down our faces, we realize how much cancer affects us all. Whether that be in our personal lives, or whether it is the fact that seeing a friend who has struggled with cancer in some way in their lives become upset - it all affects us. We just held each other. We stood for several minutes - silent. Shaking, crying, loving. This is why we are together on this one day - to help. To help each other in these times of sorrow, to be the rock that we need to get through the night.
Thank you to all of my friends. You all inspire me to an extent that you do not even understand. To my rock, my support system - my faithful, loyal friends - thank you. I love each and every one of you more than you will ever know.
Cancer is the most awful, life-changing disease ever-known to walk the face of our earth. I want everyone to continue to fight the battle to cure this disease so our children won't have to.
Do it so your friends can live the pleasurable, successful, and brilliant lives they deserve. We can find a cure - one person at a time.
As the luminaria lap began, we joined hands, linked arms and walked in a small, quiet pack around the beautifully lit drillfield, the center of our campus, and at that moment, the center of our hearts. We understood what that lap meant for ourselves and for others, and we respected the moment with complete silence. As tears began to fall and heads began to bow, I could not help but to remember the toll that cancer truly takes in our lives. When our loved ones heard those three piercing words "You have cancer," I know their world stopped for one split second as all of the questions and realizations began to pour in around them.
I hope to never hear those three words. I hope that my parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, future husband and children never have to hear those three words. I want to see a cure in my lifetime. I do not want my children to worry about potentially hearing those three words "You have cancer." I want to fight this disease - and I want to win.
You can never understand the effects of cancer unless it affects you personally. What I would give to take back all of the months of hardships that my family members went through - I would place it all on myself in a split second if we could go back in time. Watching someone battle cancer is one of the scariest and saddest sights I have ever witnessed. Helpless, brittle, sorrow - you can see it when you look into their eyes. Their eyes speak one thousand words that they cannot say.
As my team finished our luminaria lap together, we stopped on the side of the track - took a minute to ourselves and then our emotions set in. All of the memories came traveling back to us. Seeing our friends express their sorrow made my own sorrow that much more painful. As we all embraced with loving arms, tears streaming down our faces, we realize how much cancer affects us all. Whether that be in our personal lives, or whether it is the fact that seeing a friend who has struggled with cancer in some way in their lives become upset - it all affects us. We just held each other. We stood for several minutes - silent. Shaking, crying, loving. This is why we are together on this one day - to help. To help each other in these times of sorrow, to be the rock that we need to get through the night.
Thank you to all of my friends. You all inspire me to an extent that you do not even understand. To my rock, my support system - my faithful, loyal friends - thank you. I love each and every one of you more than you will ever know.
Cancer is the most awful, life-changing disease ever-known to walk the face of our earth. I want everyone to continue to fight the battle to cure this disease so our children won't have to.
Do it so your friends can live the pleasurable, successful, and brilliant lives they deserve. We can find a cure - one person at a time.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
and there is hope after all
I have no idea how I survived this week. My school work completely took over my life, even more than normal, and somehow I still managed to sleep and eat at regular-ish times. I had one test postponed today until next Tuesday - which was a little bit of a relief, but I kind of wanted to get it over with, but now I have more time to study, so in the end it works out well.
I have a test tomorrow that I am not ready for - but that's what the rest of tonight is for. I also have to do an interview tomorrow morning for a feature story for my Media Writing class, then take my test, then work one of the booths in Squires for the Big Event, then work on a Leadership project and then FINALLY it is Relay for Life tomorrow night.
There is a point to this rant - I'm sorry. Here it is: even though my week was so stressful and crazy, there was some good that came out of it.
I won second place in the Virginia Press Association's best collegiate general news story in 2009 in Virginia - I am pretty excited about that. Also, I got a position as a student teaching assistant that I applied for that will take place next fall. Overall, it was a great day.
The point is that even though we have struggles that we go through on a daily basis, things come along that make those struggles worth it because they make everything so much better.
With that being said, I hope tomorrow is amazing. I cannot wait to spend it with all of my friends supporting an incredible cause. I hope you all take a minute to reflect on what the day and the cause mean to you - maybe that will give you a little hope as well.
Until there is a cure,
a hopeful student
I have a test tomorrow that I am not ready for - but that's what the rest of tonight is for. I also have to do an interview tomorrow morning for a feature story for my Media Writing class, then take my test, then work one of the booths in Squires for the Big Event, then work on a Leadership project and then FINALLY it is Relay for Life tomorrow night.
There is a point to this rant - I'm sorry. Here it is: even though my week was so stressful and crazy, there was some good that came out of it.
I won second place in the Virginia Press Association's best collegiate general news story in 2009 in Virginia - I am pretty excited about that. Also, I got a position as a student teaching assistant that I applied for that will take place next fall. Overall, it was a great day.
The point is that even though we have struggles that we go through on a daily basis, things come along that make those struggles worth it because they make everything so much better.
With that being said, I hope tomorrow is amazing. I cannot wait to spend it with all of my friends supporting an incredible cause. I hope you all take a minute to reflect on what the day and the cause mean to you - maybe that will give you a little hope as well.
Until there is a cure,
a hopeful student
a welcoming inspiration
This week has already been a week full of inspiring moments, even though it has been a mess of nonstop, hectic activity. I welcome the pleasant mix of emotions that have overwhelmed me this week so far - the tests, stress, time with friends, Relay fundraising, studying; somehow, once again, I have somehow managed to handle it all. I think that at times, stress can work wonders for me.
This are the specific things that have gotten me through the week:
1. The fact that my Relay for Life team is amazing and that Friday and Relay are quickly approaching.
2. Hearing Nikki Giovanni and Lemn Sissay read poetry
3. Mark & James music
4. Eating an orange everyday
5. Waking up and going to the library early everyday
6. My best friends
I would not have gotten through the week without these little things that I have done/have happened so far.
I have realized a lot this week - things that I will not discuss on here, but they were/are very influential in my life and I am glad that I realized them. I think it taught me a lot. Unfortunately, because of some of these things, I am more confused about some aspects of my life, but, that happens.
always,
a loyal writer
This are the specific things that have gotten me through the week:
1. The fact that my Relay for Life team is amazing and that Friday and Relay are quickly approaching.
2. Hearing Nikki Giovanni and Lemn Sissay read poetry
3. Mark & James music
4. Eating an orange everyday
5. Waking up and going to the library early everyday
6. My best friends
I would not have gotten through the week without these little things that I have done/have happened so far.
I have realized a lot this week - things that I will not discuss on here, but they were/are very influential in my life and I am glad that I realized them. I think it taught me a lot. Unfortunately, because of some of these things, I am more confused about some aspects of my life, but, that happens.
always,
a loyal writer
Monday, April 5, 2010
"Please show me a better way"
And the onset of a stressful two weeks begins - the days never cease to grow tiresome. Two tests, two papers, two interviews, and massive amounts of reading lay ahead of me for the next two weeks, and unfortunately, it will not change for the rest of the semester. It is now the time at Tech where the weather has changed over to beautiful spring, a time where everyone wants to be outside and not stuck inside a classroom trying to finish out the rest of the semester. It is a time where the library, the Empo, and Squires are completely crowded with students studying for endless hours. I think I am just tired of my very difficult classes this semester, on top of a million meetings each week, that I am ready for summer - as is everyone else. I am ready to work in D.C. everyday - it will make me feel that all of this schooling is actually worth it, so I think it will give me a little more motivation.
I hope I will be able to push through these next two, actually five, weeks of classes and still have enough energy left over to finish up exams - I guess we will see.
That's all I have for now - a pointless rant about my life, so I apologize.
For now,
A stressed student
I hope I will be able to push through these next two, actually five, weeks of classes and still have enough energy left over to finish up exams - I guess we will see.
That's all I have for now - a pointless rant about my life, so I apologize.
For now,
A stressed student
Thursday, April 1, 2010
a breath of fresh air
This has been a horrible week, absolutely horrible, and the weeks will only get more difficult - but two hours of my day today were beautiful. It's so nice to open up to people and make yourself vulnerable to them, even for only a short time. You learn so much more about yourself and others when you can do this. You also never know how much you have in common with another person until you really open up to them, and vice versa.
It was a beautiful thing, and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to learn more about these great individuals. My conversation with them today really opened my eyes to a lot of things that have been on my mind this week.
I want to extend an apology to anyone who I may have turned my cold shoulder to this week, or said something snappy to that I didn't mean at all. I have been really stressed this week, but I realized today that my stress is so unnecessary. I need to take my own advice and really put more emphasis on the fact that grades do not matter as much as I really think that they do. What's most important is finding those activities you are passionate about and pursuing those.
It's about finding those people who matter the most to you in life. The ones who make you want to be a better person and figure out who you are and where you are going in life. I want to thank those people that do that for me. You make me stronger. You make me appreciate the little things - you are amazing.
I am excited to see where the rest of the semester goes, even if there is going to be an absurd amount of work and I won't know what to do - I am still ready. I am ready to continue learning about myself and others, because that is what this life is all about. Enjoying the company of people who mean something to you - that is what I am looking forward to for the rest of the semester.
It was a beautiful thing, and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to learn more about these great individuals. My conversation with them today really opened my eyes to a lot of things that have been on my mind this week.
I want to extend an apology to anyone who I may have turned my cold shoulder to this week, or said something snappy to that I didn't mean at all. I have been really stressed this week, but I realized today that my stress is so unnecessary. I need to take my own advice and really put more emphasis on the fact that grades do not matter as much as I really think that they do. What's most important is finding those activities you are passionate about and pursuing those.
It's about finding those people who matter the most to you in life. The ones who make you want to be a better person and figure out who you are and where you are going in life. I want to thank those people that do that for me. You make me stronger. You make me appreciate the little things - you are amazing.
I am excited to see where the rest of the semester goes, even if there is going to be an absurd amount of work and I won't know what to do - I am still ready. I am ready to continue learning about myself and others, because that is what this life is all about. Enjoying the company of people who mean something to you - that is what I am looking forward to for the rest of the semester.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
